Each Day's Surprise

" Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy. It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate

 more fully our shared humanity."

~ Henri Nouwen~

It's about a week from Christmas and I barely have anything checked off my "Christmas to do list" I have a whole list of "get myself in the Christmas spirit" ideas and haven't done any of them. But oddly enough I feel more in the Christmas spirit then ever- the true Christmas spirit. I'm letting go of the "ideal" Christmas I wanted to create this year because honestly life is just too dang challenging right now. My thoughts and attention need to be on more important things then the 500 pinterest crafts I wanted to attempt. Life has presented Mark and I with some difficult roadblocks in the past weeks or months. Adjusting to our "new life" has left me feeling stumbling through many days the past few weeks. I started back at work last week and to be honest I am miserable about it. We have a lot kinks to work out if this is going to work. Mark's job is INSANE...when I say insane I mean getting called at 2:30 in the morning for surgery cases, not getting home until 3:30 am last night after leaving the house at 7 am, and up and out the door before Leah is even awake. His job is hard for all of us, I can't imagine how draining it is on him, plus dealing with my strong emotions the past 2 weeks. It is not the 9-5 everyday job and that presents it's own challenges with me being back at work and working a "part time" schedule like we agreed before Leah was born. I am struggling with the new addition to my identity as Leah's mom-because I feel like I want that to be my only identity- whether that is wrong or right I don't know.  Finding a balance is hard when you are not sure what you are balancing...SOO this is turning into a depressing post,  I don't mean it too, just putting my thoughts down. What I do know is that I am excited for the upcoming days with family. I am praying for guidance and peace for my family... I feel joy to think about spending time with Leah on her first Christmas, seeing my nieces and nephews who bring me so much joy and reconnecting with Mark. Like the quote says, finding and accepting the surprises of everyday life, being thankful for the "good" problems we have and remembering so many people have it way worse then I can even imagine. Ok time to at least go decorate the tree!

PS. And to cheer your up after this serious post check out this POST in regards to my sister-in-laws blog about her weeks top 10 with my twin nieces...if that doesn't make you crack up there is something wrong with you! 

Leah - 3 Months

Age: Three Months
Weight: 11lbs 10oz
Length: ?
Size: Still in 0-3 months and 3 months
Teeth: N/A
Hair: Still has lots...I swear the color changes daily- blond, brown, slightly red WHO KNOWS!
Sleeping: For the most part we are doing well. Has kind of put herself into a routine. Is really ready for bed now around 7:30 and has been sleeping until 3:30-5:00 depending on the night. Gets up to nurse and goes right back to sleep.
Eating: Still nursing well...she is a little oinker. Eats every 2-3 hours as well.
Movement: She is an active little thing! Always sucking on her hands. Always moving arms and legs, doesn't like to be sitting still. Her head is getting very strong. Loves being on her belly.
Milestones: Talking up a storm...ROLLS OVER FROM BELLY TO BACK!! Mommy's first day back to work...all day with Daddy
Favorite Toys: Likes this bear play mat we were given. It is super soft, she loves laying on it and looking at the ceiling fan. Have a play mat with animals will try and reach for and then kick legs. Likes looking at books. Allowing us to sit her in bouncy seat every once in awhile!
Dislikes: Anything involved with her car seat, swing, not being held...this has not changed. She is MISERABLE in the car.
Words/sounds: Lots of coos and talking. Carries on a "conversation" with you!

Survived...

I survived my first 12 hour shift back at work yesterday....I am re-reading that sentence over and over again because I am so proud of myself. It may sound corny, but it was one of if not the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Leaving your baby for 12 hours is not easy...leaving your NURSING baby for 12 hours is even harder. I will admit, the anticipation was actually worse then the working. The hardest part was  getting myself out the door...I sat on the edge of my bed and cried completely doubting my ability to be gone from Leah. As I clocked in, I almost just turned back around and left. I saw one of my friends first thing, she hugged me, I cried. All the wonderful RN's I work with came up and hugged me, welcomed me back and almost all of them have been in my shoes at some point. It felt good to be understood, to not feel completely stupid for crying. The only reason I made it through were these wonderful ladies...I feel a renewed appreciation for this fabulous group of women. The only other reason I made it was because Leah was with her Daddy, and her Daddy did an AMAZING job. We were all nervous, me having done a majority of the caring for Leah the past 12 weeks. BUT Mark did it...and he did it well. I walked in the door to a peaceful baby, just getting out of the bath, ready for her mom to nurse her to sleep...I picked her up and sobbed some more (can I still blame it on the hormones?!) I held her extra tight last night, wanted her to wake up in the middle of the night so I could be with her (last time I wish for that) and felt so thankful for her. I have already taken for granted my healthy baby...but a very quick reminder yesterday of the blessing of a healthy baby. Thank you God for all of your blessings and thank you for giving me people to help me have the strength to get through the day. It feels good to have it under my belt...time to adjust to the next phase of our lives...

Exhausted...

It has been a long couple of days...Mark's grandpa passed away this past Sunday so we have been "busy" with family time, viewing and the funeral today. Emotions are a good thing, but can be exhausting. Seeing grown men cry is not my kind of party and gets me every time. Mark's grandpa was a wonderful man, he was ornery, funny, and always had a smile on his face. I only knew him a few years, but knew how much he loved watching Mark play football, knew how much he loved his wife and knew how much he loved Mark's Dad, Larry. The most moving part of the funeral was the 21 gun salute done to honor Grandpa Joe as a WWII veteran. They folded up the American flag and got down on one knee before Grandma Wilma and sincerely thanking her for Joe's service...it was humbling, moving, emotional. His death comes at a time where it is easy to get caught up in life passing by in the Holiday season, today was a reminder to slow down, take in life's daily moments, and make time for family and friends. I have been feeling overwhelmed with school, going back to work, caring for Leah that I have been retreating in my mind, secluding myself which I am very good at. I'm reminded to stop feeling sorry for myself, take some deep breaths and try to enjoy every minute of this life...

Fun Stuff...

Here are a few things I have stumbled upon this past week while I have been putting off writing my paper.

These cool December Desktop Backgrounds
Here is the one I chose...

A free canvas

Have you heard of Birchbox ?
Once a month you get 4 or 5 high end samples delievered to your door for $10...nice!

I really want one of these...her website has so many cute things!

And this sweet face...

Weekend Plans

I was supposed to be a my dear cousin Amanda's wedding this weekend...Leah has had other plans. Her continued expression of hatred for her carseat and anything to do with travel has forced me to give up my physical capability of being present at the wedding...I'm sad...really sad...so in my feel sorry for myself attitude this weekend I still need to get some things done.

Friday
Work on paper
Continue Christmas Decorating
Put away laundry

Saturday
Get Christmas Tree
Purdue Christmas Show
Work on paper (long shot)

Sunday
Church/Baptism prep class
tidy house
organize multiple things (post to follow)
Finish paper

I think I can...I think I can...

Feeling like the little engine that could right now as I am trying to wrap up the final weeks of my master's class. It has not really been too demanding, but I am ready for Christmas break :) Our final paper is due next Tuesday, it supposed to be between 15-20 pages, I currently have 6. I have a lot of information to sort through still and get my thoughts collected. I have a plan, I am just moving through it SLOWLY!  I write a paragraph, go back and re-read and realize I have no idea what I am trying to say. Thank goodness for a thesaurus that helps me sound semi-smart. All I really want to do is cozy up with Leah, and finish decorating and shopping for Christmas. So back to work...I think I can....I think I can...I really need to be saying...get your s*%t together and GET IT DONE! :)

All the Grandkids...

This past weekend all 6 grandkids had the pleasure of being together...let me tell you it was fun, chaotic, stressful, busy, and hilarious all rolled into one. 6 kids under 4 can be nothing but fun! We were in Cleveland for a wedding, which also meant we were able to go visit my Grandma (Grammy) and bring all 6 of her great-grandchildren. My grandma, Philly has Alzheimer's and is very limited in her abilities. It is truly one of the saddest things I have ever seen. Not sure if she knew we were there this time but we surrounded her with love and I choose to think she felt that. This is Alex, Evan, Drew, Lilly, Diana and Leah. Plus my brother Tim, wife Shonda, Matt, wife Lauren. Enjoy the cuteness!

Thanksgiving Recap

What a Thanksgiving Holiday...I just got back home tonight and feel like I got hit by a truck. BUT it was a fun Holiday weekend. Thursday afternoon we spent with Mark's family and had a wonderful meal. I left Thursday afternoon to head to Columbus with Leah, as we had a family wedding this weekend. Little did I know it was about to be the worst 3 hours of my life...Leah cried for 2hrs and 45 minutes...She HATES the car I guess. She pooped all over her car seat and then continued to cry so hard that she made herself throw up all over the backseat. I pulled over at a closed Tim Horten's and had no clue what to do because there was poop EVERYWHERE and Leah was in a frenzy...so I started crying too haha! We made it to Columbus safely, but it was a LONG three hours. The next day we headed to Cleveland, OH for the wedding festivities...I sat in the back seat with Leah and she just smiled and talked to me the whole way...so maybe she just wants someone back there with her... Can we say SPOILED?!?! Because she was angel on the way back to Columbus Sunday,...and then on my trip today back to Indy she was ok, but still probably cried for a total of 45 minutes and I had to stop... But we survived the first travel weekend and without Mark, I have to say I am proud of us. It was not easy and I never want to do it without Mark again, but at least I know I can do it. The wedding was fun, Leah was good and I had a great time catching up with friends. We had a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving...I will be hibernating at home the rest of this week as my first day back to work is next Wednesday (vomit)...soaking up every  minute with my sweet sweet girl!

Leah's Turkey Handprint

Turkey iron-on for Thanksgiving Day

My Girl

Lila and Leah on Thanksgiving...Leah is already fascinated with her!

Leah's Name...

Since we didn't know what we were having before Leah was born our nursery was very gender neutral...lots of yellow and green. So to add a little "girl" to the room I found plain white letters at Michael's, picked out some purple themed scrapbook paper, and with my trusty old Modge Podge...I created a decorated version of Leah's name. I really like how it turned out. Now I just have to figure out where to put it!

 Speaking of Leah's name...one might be wondering how we chose Leah. All throughout my pregnancy if it was a girl her name would be "Norah". I LOVE that name, always have. It was one of the few that we agreed on. Towards the end of the pregnancy I started thinking about other names...We couldn't agree on anything else. As soon as she was born I knew she not a Norah. I was almost disgusted with the thought of naming her that. The first name that came to my head when I saw her was Leah. I always used to make fun of people who said they had to wait to name their babies, but I get it now!  After discussing with Mark I told him he could name her since she was born on his birthday. He looked at me and said "Emily" and I was like ummm " I really like Leah" -so much for letting him choose! So that was it...our little Leah was named. I must say her name is absolutely PERFECT...she is most definitely a LEAH!

One year ago...

Today is one year since I suffered a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. It was supposed to be a happy day, my dear primary at work was heading home to be with his mom, dad, brother and sister. It was around 8am and the family was already there..anxious to go! I ran to the bathroom real quick and my heart sank. I was bleeding. Sparing you the details I had to leave work, go to the doctors where it was confirmed that I was having a miscarriage. Mark was out of town for work. I was all alone...devastated. I called Mark, he drove home. I called my mom, she left work and came to Indy. That was the start of the hardest week of my life... A lot has changed in a year...especially the blessing of our sweet baby girl Leah. I am cherishing every ounce of her today while thinking about the baby we lost...I hope I never have to experience that again. Giving thanks for my bundle of joy! I saved the 3 pregnancy tests I took with baby 1...I couldn't bear to get rid of them. (I saved Leah's too!) It's comforting to still have these...Praying for my baby today and all angel babies.

Weekend To Do...

Leah is 9 weeks today...holy cow! Time flies! I have been soaking up every minute with this sweet little girl and I plan on doing that this weekend...hopefully I can get a few other things done as well. Mark has been gone this week on business...so happy comes home this weekend!

Saturday
Finish homework assignment for next week
Fold Laundry
Thanksgiving project
Prep cinnamon rolls

Sunday
Organize Thanksgiving week (travels, gifts, and wedding prep for next weekend)
Clean bathrooms
Family time!

November- National Prematurity Awareness Month

Tips for a Healthy Pregnancy
November is national prematurity awareness month. As many of you know this touches extremely close to home for me as I am NICU RN. When I was in nursing school I had always dreamed of working on the newborn ICU and when I shadowed there I knew I had found my "home". In all of my "dreams" I never realized how challenging and how rewarding the job would be. Naively I thought I would be holding babies all day. And yes on the quiet days at work a lot of baby holding, feeding and rocking goes on. But a majority of the days are BUSY, the last thing on my mind is holding the baby as we are busy with IV's, blood draws, procedures, vitals, assessments, feedings, more assessments, letting parents hold, truly trying to make the baby feel better. The atmosphere is quiet (minus all the beeping), the babies are SICK, some so close to death I feel extremely inadequate to be taking care of them. How could God entrust this tiny vulnerable creature to me in my job? I will admit it is scary, sometimes I don't feel worthy and so scared I am doing something wrong. This is a person's CHILD...I often have to remind myself to trust in my knowledge, my co-workers and doctors. I have also learned to trust (most) parents...they know their child better then I do. My number one goal on any given day is to make the baby the most comfortable I can and make the parents feel the same. I want the parents to trust me, trust I truly care about their baby, and I want to do everything in my power to make them feel competent in caring for their baby and try to relieve as much stress as possible. It is hard job. I have held a baby and fed them a bottle in the morning and then turned around performed CPR on them later in the shift...these "preemies" are delicate, vulnerable, but yet oh so strong. I feel defeated a lot...I feel helpless a lot...some weeks I feel depressed about the job...BUT the good days renew your spirit every time. Feeling you helped a baby and a family is truly one of the best feelings in my life. I have had the privilege of taking care of so many special babies and families...see them be born and see them go home with their families...that is truly a miracle. Thank God for your healthy babies and thank God for the preemies who are resilient and strong. Please continue to pray for us all!

A tiny list of the "miracle babies" I have taken care of
- A 28 week baby girl, my first primary, 4 years old now!
- A 26 week boy, did his delivery and took care of him everyday I worked until he went home. Here is Andrew's Story
- A set of quadruplets who were amazingly healthy
- A set of twin boys 30weeks...Lots of feeding issues, got in many arguments discussions with physicians. Learned how to be better patient advocate.

- A set of triplets whose parents got to take these 3 beautiful girls went home with them. These babies and parents really helped me during a challenging time when I was feeling burned out. Check their story out HERE

- A set of triplets ( I have multiple fever!) born at 30 weeks...I ended up primary on the sickest of the 3...He was on death's doorstep multiple times. I remember praying so hard for him, feeling helpless for him, feeling helpless for the parents...BUT my little man turned it around and I became so attached to him. I felt heavy loss when he went home, but also an extreme amount of happiness. Those parents saved me as much as I tried to save their son. Some of my closest friends to this day.

-A 30 week boy who was so sick and we never learned why...we called the parents in and told them this was it...He went home eating, breathing on his own, and is so chubby now! MIRACLE!

-30 week twin boys who were so stinking cute...I loved loving on them all day!!!

Here are all my "favorites" The best part about all of these stories is that I still remain in touch with all of these families. I get to enjoy watching these babies grow up and get stronger and stronger. Talk about rewarding.

Here is another post from my friend Kathy, who is Andrew's mom about how to support families while their babies are in the NICU. How to Help!

FYI- I was granted permission for all the pictures I used by the parents( Don't worry no HIPPA violations!)

Leah- Two Months

Age: Two Months
Weight: 10lbs 8oz
Length: 23.5 in
Size: We have switched to 0-3 months, occasional NB onesie.
Teeth: N/A
Hair: Still has lots...I swear the color changes daily- blond, brown, slightly red WHO KNOWS! 
Sleeping: Pretty much still hit or miss. Sleeping better at night, usually goes down around 10:30-11 and sleep until 4:00 or 5:00...I will take it! Takes a nice long nap in the am and cat naps the rest of the day.
Eating: Still nursing well...she is a little oinker. Eats every 2-3 hours as well.
Movement: She is an active little thing! Always moving arms and legs, doesn't like to be sitting still. Her head is getting very strong. Loves being on her belly.
Milestones: She is smiling and cooing. Looking all around at things.
Favorite Toys: Likes this bear play mat we were given. It is super soft, she loves laying on it and looking at the ceiling fan. Have a play mat with animals will try and reach for and then kick legs. Likes looking at books.
Dislikes: Anything involved with her car seat, bouncy, swing, not being held...this has not changed. She is MISERABLE in the car.
Words/sounds: Lots of coos and trying to talk!

Recap

Ok so I might have been a little over ambitious for what I wanted to accomplish this weekend...it is so unpredictable know with a baby...especially a baby who decides some days she wants to cry A LOT or be held ALL THE TIME! That mean Sunday was pretty much chalked up to baby holding, I know terrible life right?! But we survived.

I took Leah to the Ball State Women's B-Ball game Friday night. I'm not going to lie, it was a lot to manage by myself especially for a baby who HATES the car (seriously who hates the car?) When we got to Muncie she had spit up everywhere and blew out a diaper...awesome! But she was an angel during the game, loved looking at all the bright lights and barely made a peep! Of course on the way she cried the whole time and was miserable. I was glad I took her, but I was very anxious about having her out and getting places in time to avoid meltdowns. It was great seeing old teammates, old coaches and old fans. The good old people of Muncie never forget who you are and make you feel very special!

I did manage to make it to the breastfeeding group Friday morning, but sadly I did not have time to prep my cinnamon rolls, maybe this weekend.

Saturday we visited with our friends Scott, Jess, Belle, Trey and Sloan. We go way back with these fabulous people and they had not met Leah yet. I babysat Belle when she was 3 months old for a whole summer. Trey is my Godson and Sloan LOVED baby Leah. All of them hold such a special place in my heart....really no words! I got nothing else done Saturday... whoops!

Sunday I got a little  bit of homework started, but that is about it. Leah needed to be held and nursed ALL day....sooo I need to focus on my homework and getting re organized again...here's to hoping!

Weekend Planning

I would really like to get some things accomplished this weekend...soooo I am making a tiny "to do" list in hopes Leah will behave herself for a few hours and I will be able to check a few things off...

Friday:
Breastfeeding Support Group
Babies R Us return
Prep cinnamon rolls
Work on "get back into shape" plan
Ball State Women's B-Ball Game

Saturday:
2 loads of laundry
Visit with friends
Begin homework for the week

Sunday:
Meal Plan
Continue working on homework
Sort through Leah's Clothes
Start Planning Christmas Shopping

Garlic Roll Ups

I made Garlic Roll Ups last night to go with our pasta dinner. They were yummy! To show you what a novice cooker I am I did not know they sold frozen bread dough at the grocery store. It makes sense they would but I had never put it together. So I bought a bag and extremely excited to try some new recipes with it. The bread was good, better then any Grands biscuit if I must say so myself. I got the recipe from one of my favorite blogs Clover Lane I love this woman's philosophy on just about everything! Check her out if you have time.

Mini Baked Apple Pies...

I made these last night...boy were the yummy! Also super easy and I had all the ingredients on hand! These are a must try...perfect for a small portion or for little kids!

November 7th Gratitude...

I was thankful for my hubby Mark today....He provided so much support to me even though it was over the phone mostly because he was working a busy day. Leah was extremely fussy today and I was becoming worn out with her crying and my inability to soothe her. I just kept calling Mark, he answered every time and just offered words of encouragement. It was so nice to hear supportive words instead of advice or "have you tried this?" talk. He knew just what I needed. Later that night we had dinner at his parents and he was extremely attentive to my needs...I was so thankful for this as I was tired, hungry, probably dehydrated and anxious. He made sure I ate until my heart was content, my water was full and gave me lots of hugs and kisses. He probably didn't think anything of it, but it meant a lot to me. I am not going to lie, the past 7 weeks haven been challenging on our relationship. I would like to think this is normal for any couple who have just had their first child. There have been arguments, short tempers, lack of QT time, exhaustion, complaints and just adjusting to life that is no longer just about the two of you. I have not put as much energy into our relationship because it has been directed towards Leah, but it is so important to save some energy for your spouse. I am not talking big things here...I am trying to be more patient, use kinder words, hugs, kisses, and offering an ear during pillow talk instead of just falling asleep...these things are working to get us comfortable with our new "normal" I just wanted him to know how thankful I am for him.

Aren't they ADORABLE!

Operation Clean House

Confession: My house is a disaster. I know I know, I have a newborn who cares if the house is messy, BUT I am officially grossed out, don't want to walk around barefoot, and can see the dog hair piling up. There is clutter everywhere, papers, random baby things, stinky fridge, laundry backup and the list goes on and on. The past week has been busy sitting and nursing my growing baby. I think Leah had her first major growth spurt...I was nursing every hour to two...with an occasionally 4 hour stretch in there, BUT she seemed extra clingy as I could not put her down to nap. So I was prisoner to my extra large puffy recliner (smartest purchase yet!) and my 7 week old baby. I was getting frustrated because I just wanted to get up and be able to do what " I needed to do" but had to gently remind myself what I REALLY needed to do was be with my baby and give her what SHE needed. She slept 5 hours last night, so hopefully we are getting back on track. So onto my house...between nursing and nap times I have a whole long list of what I would like to get done this weekend...

- The kitchen needs a major scrub down, refrigerator needs cleaned out
- The floors need swept, mopped x 5 (my love hate relationship)
- Upstairs needs vacuumed
- The clutter especially the mail/papers/bills/cards needs sorted through
- A few loads of laundry

I'm trying to keep the list short as I need to be realistic with my time, as this could all be down the toilet if Leah decides she needs to be held all weekend.

So today I am thankful I have beautiful home to clean :)

Off to work...

November Gratitude

November?! What the heck!!! All I can think about is that I only have 5 weeks left of maternity and it honestly makes me sick to my stomach...I really can't even go there! Soooo Im trying to approach November from a different angle...Feeling thankful for all I have. And since Thanksgiving is this month I will be giving thanks all month. Each day I want to focus on something to  be thankful for...whether it be big or small...whatever strikes me that day and makes me feel truly thankful. Yesterday, November 1 was such a beautiful fall day and I was so thankful I was able to enjoy the sunshine. I will be posting my list in the sidebar and blogging about them as the mood strikes. What are you thankful for?

Happy Halloween

We celebrated Leah's first Halloween with Marks parents and Dave, Heather and Lila. We enjoyed the trick or treaters and a very in depth discussion on everyone's favorite candy bar and what actually classifies a candy bar. Mark was mad at everyones choices and then claimed his favorite candy bar was a nutty bar...we all instantly claimed a nutty bar is not a candy bar but a snack cake... Mark did not agree. As you can tell we all were very into this conversation! HAHA!

Leah was a ballerina/princess...a homemade costume since everything was too big for her. Lila was the cutest bumble bee I have ever seen! And Dave (Marks brother) was a pirate/hippie. A good time was had by all!

One happy baby!

Baby Lila Bumble Bee! :)

This is HOT!!!

I think this is the first picture I have with Leah

Sunday Morning....

A glimpse into my Sunday morning....

- 6 hours of straight sleep given to me from Leah
- Pumpkin Coffee from Dunkin Donuts
- Leah and Mark taking a nap together
- a long hot shower for me
- Cool fall morning
- A much needed Church visit
- Meal planning

Ahh kind of my perfect morning! Here's to hoping the rest of the day is just as perfect...(wishful thinking as schoolwork is looming over my head)

I want to make Carmel Apple Cider for when we carve our pumpkins tonight..looks yummy!

And if that doesn't make you feel all warm inside..this will...

and if that didn't then you have no heart... :)

Cousin Time...

Leah got to spend some QT with her cousins Alex, Evan and Drew this weekend. The boys were great with her! Evan walked up to me and said " She is bootyful(beautiful)!" Melted my heart! Then Alex said " She has a small head!" I don't know what it is about these boys but I just love them so much! I kept thinking about all the time I got to spend with them before Leah was born...how lucky I am to have such a fun relationship with my nephews! Enjoy the videos!

Leah- One Month

Age: One Month
Weight: 8lbs 9oz.
Length: 21 in
Size: Mainly newborn, starting to get tight
Teeth: N/A Hair: Still rocking all of her hair from birth. I don't feel like she has lost any! It gets very greasy and needs to be washed a lot.
Sleeping: Pretty much still hit or miss. Will sleep 3 hours usually during the day, occasional 4 hour stretch. Our longest night stretch has been 5 hours...only once :(
Eating: Still nursing well...she is a little oinker. Eats every 3 hours as well.
Movement: She is an active little thing! Always moving arms and legs, doesn't like to be sitting still. Head is getting stronger every day.
Milestones: First smile!!!
Favorite Toys: Likes this bear play mat we were given. It is super soft, she loves laying on it and looking at the ceiling fan.
Dislikes: Anything involved with her car seat, bouncy, swing, not being held
Words/sounds: She snorts...we think she sounds like a little goat!

.

One Month for Mommy

I am working on Leah's one month post...just too lazy to upload pictures right now! So I am going to take a little time for myself. Life has changed so much in the past month, it is just crazy. My world has been rocked in every way. It's amazing how all of a sudden you have these motherly instincts, an ability to survive on little sleep, and so much love for your little baby. I just want Leah to be happy all the time and am doing everything in my power to make that happen...which is leading me to my other new discovery of motherhood...anxiety! OK we all know I was anxious person before having Leah, but whoa has it been TURNED ON. Some days my anxiety is getting the best of me...I am so worried something is wrong with Leah. I don't think my NICU background is helping in any of this either. I swear the pediatrician thought I was nut as i whipped out my notebook with an entire page of questions at her one month appointment and asked him things about nasal passages, rectums, and eye movement. (Insert crazy comment here) Every time she sneezes, spits up, has a booger, doesn't poop, has bad smelling gas...I feel this little panic inside, like I am missing something wrong with her. She is extremely gassy and fussy (mainly at night) so I am worried that maybe something in my diet (like dairy) is causing her gas issues. The pediatrician doesn't seem to think so, but I hate to see her miserable with gas. Then to throw  breastfeeding into the mix...ahh the stress. No one told me how hard breastfeeding would be. Maybe it isn't hard for others, but it is a lot of work! SO yes, I have a lot of worries and anxieties and you probably all are thinking I need some serious help, but I am told this is normal. I am working on trying to relax, having faith that she is okay and letting myself have a good cry every once in awhile. I'm working on embracing the moment, soaking in every moment of our days together realizing I will have to go back to work and she will grow up before I know it. Even though my little Leah is causing all this worry, she is also causing much happiness and lots of smiles.

It's also time for me to start thinking about taking care of myself physically again...I say thinking because I realize how out of shape my body is and I am dreading feeling miserable for a few weeks. BUT I need to start somewhere. So I am working on my workout plan :) And also maybe cutting back on the amount of treats I have been allowing myself :)

So there is my one month check in---I know it will only get better from here! Thanks for letting me vent and be honest!

Caught...

Leah just started smiling at us this week...I caught it on video today. Too cute to not share! Have I mentioned I love this little girl?!?!

A Fun Visit

This past weekend my sister Mary Beth and brother in law Brian came for a visit. They live in NJ and work for the secret service so they were unable to come for Leah's Birthday. We were not supposed to see each other until Thanksgiving, but I convinced Mary Beth she HAD to come see Leah while she is still this little peanut! So they made the trip and it was wonderful. Nothing like having your sister share in a special time in your life. They instantly fell in love with her and she got held all weekend (which is no different then any other day!) We had some good QT and took a trip the pumpkin patch to get Leah's first pumpkin. It was fun...Mark and I fought on the way there, Leah screamed half the trip, she had a blow out and needed a new outift BUT dangit we all got pumpkins! We also got to ask Mary Beth to Leah's Godmother in person which was extra special for me!