Survived...

I survived my first 12 hour shift back at work yesterday....I am re-reading that sentence over and over again because I am so proud of myself. It may sound corny, but it was one of if not the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Leaving your baby for 12 hours is not easy...leaving your NURSING baby for 12 hours is even harder. I will admit, the anticipation was actually worse then the working. The hardest part was  getting myself out the door...I sat on the edge of my bed and cried completely doubting my ability to be gone from Leah. As I clocked in, I almost just turned back around and left. I saw one of my friends first thing, she hugged me, I cried. All the wonderful RN's I work with came up and hugged me, welcomed me back and almost all of them have been in my shoes at some point. It felt good to be understood, to not feel completely stupid for crying. The only reason I made it through were these wonderful ladies...I feel a renewed appreciation for this fabulous group of women. The only other reason I made it was because Leah was with her Daddy, and her Daddy did an AMAZING job. We were all nervous, me having done a majority of the caring for Leah the past 12 weeks. BUT Mark did it...and he did it well. I walked in the door to a peaceful baby, just getting out of the bath, ready for her mom to nurse her to sleep...I picked her up and sobbed some more (can I still blame it on the hormones?!) I held her extra tight last night, wanted her to wake up in the middle of the night so I could be with her (last time I wish for that) and felt so thankful for her. I have already taken for granted my healthy baby...but a very quick reminder yesterday of the blessing of a healthy baby. Thank you God for all of your blessings and thank you for giving me people to help me have the strength to get through the day. It feels good to have it under my belt...time to adjust to the next phase of our lives...