One Month for Mommy

I am working on Leah's one month post...just too lazy to upload pictures right now! So I am going to take a little time for myself. Life has changed so much in the past month, it is just crazy. My world has been rocked in every way. It's amazing how all of a sudden you have these motherly instincts, an ability to survive on little sleep, and so much love for your little baby. I just want Leah to be happy all the time and am doing everything in my power to make that happen...which is leading me to my other new discovery of motherhood...anxiety! OK we all know I was anxious person before having Leah, but whoa has it been TURNED ON. Some days my anxiety is getting the best of me...I am so worried something is wrong with Leah. I don't think my NICU background is helping in any of this either. I swear the pediatrician thought I was nut as i whipped out my notebook with an entire page of questions at her one month appointment and asked him things about nasal passages, rectums, and eye movement. (Insert crazy comment here) Every time she sneezes, spits up, has a booger, doesn't poop, has bad smelling gas...I feel this little panic inside, like I am missing something wrong with her. She is extremely gassy and fussy (mainly at night) so I am worried that maybe something in my diet (like dairy) is causing her gas issues. The pediatrician doesn't seem to think so, but I hate to see her miserable with gas. Then to throw  breastfeeding into the mix...ahh the stress. No one told me how hard breastfeeding would be. Maybe it isn't hard for others, but it is a lot of work! SO yes, I have a lot of worries and anxieties and you probably all are thinking I need some serious help, but I am told this is normal. I am working on trying to relax, having faith that she is okay and letting myself have a good cry every once in awhile. I'm working on embracing the moment, soaking in every moment of our days together realizing I will have to go back to work and she will grow up before I know it. Even though my little Leah is causing all this worry, she is also causing much happiness and lots of smiles.

It's also time for me to start thinking about taking care of myself physically again...I say thinking because I realize how out of shape my body is and I am dreading feeling miserable for a few weeks. BUT I need to start somewhere. So I am working on my workout plan :) And also maybe cutting back on the amount of treats I have been allowing myself :)

So there is my one month check in---I know it will only get better from here! Thanks for letting me vent and be honest!