Each Day's Surprise

" Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy. It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate

 more fully our shared humanity."

~ Henri Nouwen~

It's about a week from Christmas and I barely have anything checked off my "Christmas to do list" I have a whole list of "get myself in the Christmas spirit" ideas and haven't done any of them. But oddly enough I feel more in the Christmas spirit then ever- the true Christmas spirit. I'm letting go of the "ideal" Christmas I wanted to create this year because honestly life is just too dang challenging right now. My thoughts and attention need to be on more important things then the 500 pinterest crafts I wanted to attempt. Life has presented Mark and I with some difficult roadblocks in the past weeks or months. Adjusting to our "new life" has left me feeling stumbling through many days the past few weeks. I started back at work last week and to be honest I am miserable about it. We have a lot kinks to work out if this is going to work. Mark's job is INSANE...when I say insane I mean getting called at 2:30 in the morning for surgery cases, not getting home until 3:30 am last night after leaving the house at 7 am, and up and out the door before Leah is even awake. His job is hard for all of us, I can't imagine how draining it is on him, plus dealing with my strong emotions the past 2 weeks. It is not the 9-5 everyday job and that presents it's own challenges with me being back at work and working a "part time" schedule like we agreed before Leah was born. I am struggling with the new addition to my identity as Leah's mom-because I feel like I want that to be my only identity- whether that is wrong or right I don't know.  Finding a balance is hard when you are not sure what you are balancing...SOO this is turning into a depressing post,  I don't mean it too, just putting my thoughts down. What I do know is that I am excited for the upcoming days with family. I am praying for guidance and peace for my family... I feel joy to think about spending time with Leah on her first Christmas, seeing my nieces and nephews who bring me so much joy and reconnecting with Mark. Like the quote says, finding and accepting the surprises of everyday life, being thankful for the "good" problems we have and remembering so many people have it way worse then I can even imagine. Ok time to at least go decorate the tree!

PS. And to cheer your up after this serious post check out this POST in regards to my sister-in-laws blog about her weeks top 10 with my twin nieces...if that doesn't make you crack up there is something wrong with you!