Friday, September 10, 2010

A whole lotta randomness...

I had an interesting conversation last night with a fellow nurse in the 30 minutes it take to give we got from report on a feeder grower to religion, being an atheist, having faith, living your dreams I have no clue. I have a lot of respect for this night shifter nurse who is wise and oh so knowledgeable. We talked a lot in this brief 20 minute convo that had my mind swirling last night. I thought I would try and get some of these thoughts out so here goes nothing. What I took away from our conversation was one of the most important things in life is to have faith in something. Whether it be in God, religion, science, people whatever...we need to have faith in something. It is also important to have faith in ourselves. I got to thinking about how much faith  I have in myself. I have great faith in the people around me, Mark, my family, good people...but what about me? Do I have faith in myself? I have been struggling with this. As long as I can remember, my life has been full of purpose. I always had dreams, things I wanted to do, what I wanted to accomplish, who I wanted to be. I worked hard, very hard to accomplish these dreams, these goals of what I wanted to be, how I wanted to live. the great thing about is that I have pretty much reached every goal that I ever set for myself. Don't get me wrong, I have had a lot of failures along the way and I used the adversity to help keep motivating me along. I never planned on what I would do after I did everything I said I was...enter present moment...I feel sorta stuck, what do i want for my life now? What do I want to be? How to do I want to direct my life? What do I want for the life that Mark and I are creating. A lot of deep questions and a lot of answers to those questions. unfortunately I want it all!!!! I want to do 500 things, but in reality I know I can't do then all at once. I probably won't be able to do all 500, but oh how the possibility excites me! I'm at a time in my life where I am rediscovering who I am and what will truly make me happy. I get caught up in making sure everyone around me is happy and taken care of, but I forget myself a lot ( as I'm sure many women do, esp with kids) But when it comes down to it, it is about having faith in yourself. Having faith that you are a good person, faith in that you are strong enough to do what you want, make yourself happy, learn who you are, have faith to fulfill your purpose. I'm going to be posting about some these dreams soon, but it is going to start this weekend, when We are headed camping, I'm turning my cell phone off, no computer and I am just going to live in the present moment with my dear husband and friends. Thanks for listening

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