Me, Myself and I

I got a letter in the mail the other day from my Mom. Inside the letter was a bookmark and the quote on the bookmark said,

" I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."

-Louisa May Alcott

Boy does my mom know me...She gets it even when I don't think she does. Thanks for the boost mom, I LOVE this quote.

It got me thinking about actually learning to sail my ship and how often this changes in a persons life. I think in previous parts of my life I was unaware of the times I was learning about myself and how to "sail my ship" because they were normal parts of life. As I have entered this new phase in my life, trying to figure out the best path for Mark and I, I am certainly learning about myself and how to sail. Here are 5 things I have learned about myself in the last 5 months...

1. I am more independent then I thought. I have always enjoyed my alone time, but the past couple months not only have I enjoyed it...I have NEEDED, CRAVED it, more and more time just with myself...maybe time to be with myself to learn. Don't get me wrong I still need God, Mark, family and friends, but in order to be functioning at my best I need alone time, I like to be alone, I like to do things by myself, I don't need to be with someone or people at all times. My days off are okay just being with myself...this is good for me.

2. I never realized how much I need Mark. Kind of an oxymoron to # 1, but I love being with Mark. Sometimes all I need is my alone time and Mark...maybe it's a newlywed thing I don't know but we have had so much fun this summer with our friends and ourselves. He knows me better then anyone, he loves me unconditionally and I thank him for that.

3. Being in touch with your emotions doesn't make you an "emotional wreck" being in touch with your emotions is how you grow. I am an emotional person, I feel things STRONGLY, sometimes stronger then I wish I did, one of my faults BUT this makes me human. Being in touch with my emotions, having an awareness of them gives them room to breathe and time for me to process them. I am slowly learning to like this about myself and learning better ways to control my emotions.

4. I have been reminded about the true value of friendship. The genuine trust, humor and respect that comes along with true friends is amazing. Learning when you actually have that is a good skill to have and or develop. The best part of friendships that I have learned is that true friends let you grow, change, withdraw, push, be emotional all without judgement. They let you grow and bend all the while accepting you and not getting mad at you for doing what you sometimes have to do for yourself. They understand that and are just there for you in all the ways you need...another amazing feeling. I hope I can be this to some of my friends.

5. Doing what is best for yourself does not mean you are selfish. Putting your own needs as well as those closest to you first are what you are supposed to do. Spending time working on myself, my relationship with myself, my thoughts about myself what makes my ship sail is a good thing... It is not bad, the people who make judgements about it are not what I talked about in #4. Learning and spending time on improving yourself and getting to know yourself is a positive step that will make me a better wife and friend.

It feels good to reflect in the work I have been putting in on myself. Facing fears, being aware of them, and letting yourself process them is a great way of learning what goes in your "ship" I am enjoying this journey of learning how to sail it.