Monday, February 20, 2012

Rearing Its Ugly Head...

One of my biggest struggle with perfectionism is rearing its ugly head lately. It all started with an assignment for school that I did not get an "A" in. Actually the professor kinda ripped our groups assignment apart and I have not been able to let it go so much as it is affecting the other areas of my life. This strive to be perfect has been present my whole life. Even though sports teaches you so many invaluable lessons it does have a few negatives and for me that was/is perfectionism. I felt so much pressure of expectations to be "perfect" at my sports, starting in high school. If I wanted to play in college,  I had to have a "perfect" high school career. And if I wanted to get a scholarship my grades needed to be perfect too because coaches do not want a player lacking in academics. ..the desire for "perfect" only got stronger from there...throughout college, my basketball career and nursing education the expectation's I placed upon myself were hardly attainable and even though I reached most of goals it was hard not to let them be overshadowed by my unrealistic expectations. This "perfectionism" has followed me everywhere. Some waves of my life I am focused on just being the best I can be, working hard and accept the imperfections. Other waves of my life, nothing is ever good enough, I feel like I need to be doing more and doing it better. My "to-do" list become miles long and when it doesn't get done it only feeds the negative. One thing I am good at s recognizes this "ugly head" and working hard to get my mind back on the right track. Gently reminding myself that perfect does not exist, that no one can do everything all the time100% and that the important things in life are spending time with family and friends and not the spotless house an straight A's. So after making a to- do list today with no joke 44 things on it...I'm going to pick Leah up as she is currently waking up from her nap and give the only truly perfect thing in my life a big hug and kiss.

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