Thanksgiving

I think I have wrote almost 4 or 5 blog posts this past week trying to sum up my thoughts about life now...I even published one not knowing that I did...It was supposed to be for my eyes only, so sorry to those who caught it  in the 8hrs it was posted. It was a mumble jumble of brain. I have been trying to think of something positive to write, but every time I finish and go to re-read I realize it is not positive at all. As I sit here in my bed the only the thing coming to my mind to be thankful for is my husband, Mark. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful for my parents, my siblings, my nieces, nephews and close dear friends, but Mark deserve a shout out. By far, the past 2 weeks have been the most difficult weeks I have experienced in my life to date. It has been a whirlwind of emotions, I have been brought to my knees in tears only to find Mark there picking me up. He is truly one amazing person.  The past week has made me cherish my marriage vows, for better or for worse, in good times and bad, in sickness and health...sounds cheesy I know but those words hold more meaning now then ever before. His big strong arms wrapped around me is the most comforting place in the entire world, what power he is in my life. Thank you God for letting such a wonderful man be apart of my life. I am thankful for his understanding and patience, for letting me cry, for letting me complain, for letting me lay in bed for as long as I want, and loving me unconditionally. I am thankful for his ability to make me laugh, his desire to make me happy and his ability to make me happy. I don't even know where my life would be without him. So on this Thanksgiving, when I am struggling to feel anything besides numb, I can feel the love I have for Mark. And I am grateful for that, genuinely 100% thankful.  I wish tomorrow I would wake up and feel like my old self again...the old self I have been trying so hard to rediscover the past couple of months, but what I realize is that, that old self is gone now, with recent events I have no choice but to  let myself continue to grow and mold into the self I want to be...it is not easy...it is constant hard work...I want to give up, throw in the towel, but that is not me. I am strong now matter how weak I feel. I will figure  my path out, I will figure out this so called plan of His...and slowly with time I will begin to be myself again...