Pregnancy Part One

April 26th- D-DAY! The day I peed on a stick to freak Mark out and in turn freaked myself out! Mark had mentioned that I had not had a period in awhile and I just shrugged him off because I am usually on that kind of thing. Then I got to thinking and I couldn't remember either. Off to the store I went and bought the cheapo test. I just knew it would be negative because it was the middle of the day and I had been chugging water. Welp, as I am going to the bathroom the test is turning positive. "fluke" I think. Leave the bathroom, chug some water and go pee again. Positive mid stream....CRAP! I instantly started crying as I became overcame with emotions. Mark got home a little bit later and lets just say his reaction was just like mine. SHOCK, PANIC, FEAR, SHOCK and more SHOCK. I cried, Mark drank and we basically agreed that I would call the doctor and figure this out. The next day they squeezed me in and turns out I was 7 weeks pregnant, heart beating and all. The panic continued and Mark and I decided to ignore this tiny new development and re visit the situation in a few weeks. I mean how horrible does this sound? I feel like a terrible mother even just writing it, but it is the truth. The next thing I knew it was my 12 week appointment and I was doing my first trimester screens...Healthy baby....no early signs of anything to be concerned about. Mark asked if I wanted to tell people and we let a few friends in on the secret, but I needed a few more weeks. 16 weeks rolls around, still needed more time. At our 20 week anatomy scan we found we are having a BOY. But more importantly he is healthy.  I cried during the ultrasound and thought "there is actually a baby in there" Mark laughed and said " Did you think it was going to go away!" Maybe I did, but there he was....moving around, hiding behind my placenta and showing us his manhood. I am currently 24 weeks, feelings tons of movement, exhausted, terrible back pain, but am excited for this new little baby to enter into our world. When I see a tiny baby I just think about how wonderful newborns are and I can't wait to snuggle and get to know this new person God has given me. I am scared to death honestly, how I will manage it all. Leah will only just be 15 months. I'm scared I will miss out on her ever changing ways. I get sad thinking it will never just be me and her again. I am sad and angry school has been put on hold for a year. I think about nursing another baby for another entire year and part of me wants to scream...I HATE PUMPING! :) The things I worry about are minor as there are much much worse things then a new baby. I just needed some acceptance time and knew I would come around eventually whether it be 12 weeks or 6 months. Now on to the "to do" list to get ready for baby...we still have one so shouldn't be too hard right?! AHH! Thanks for letting me rant!